


Shepard vs. the Space Hamster

by SifaShep



Series: The Quarian and the Infiltrator [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fluff, lots of silliness, shepard vs. space hamster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-23 23:44:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4896829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SifaShep/pseuds/SifaShep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SQUEAKEROO THE HAMSTER (MASS EFFECT 3)</p><p>My first (silly) Mass Effect mini-fic, featuring my Infiltrator Commander Remy Shepard, Engineer Adams, and one pissed off Space Hamster. Not to mention the Peanut Gallery commenting from the stairs…oh and a bit of M!Shep/Tali.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shepard vs. the Space Hamster

Tali frowned as she heard echoes from belowdecks. She glanced at Ken and Gabby, but both engineers looked just as confused and worried. They all knew Shepard had asked Engineer Adams to meet him downstairs, but for what?

The Quarian left her station and made her way to the stairs. There she found James Vega and Steve Cortez huddled on the landing. Both men tried to stifle their laughter and snickers, but it wasn’t working.

She opened her mouth to say something, but James shook his head. A tirade of shouts and curses echoed from the subfloor below. Tali’s eyes widened as she listened to the familiar voices.

“There he is…grab him, Adams!”

“Uh…I missed him, sir. Whoops! Ow…that little bugger’s fast, isn’t he?”

“How’d he end up down here, anyway?!”

“He probably escaped his cage during the retrofit, sir. I guess he’s been wandering through the vents all this time and–ouch, he bit me! Damn, he isn’t contagious, is he?”

“Doctor Chakwas gave him his shots…six months ago.”

“Aw, hell, sir…sorry, sir.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you topside once we catch Squeakeroo and put him back where he belongs.”

Tali gave James a look of confusion. “ _Squeakeroo?_ ” she whispered.

“The hamster,” Cortez whispered back.

“Yeah, Sparks, that’s its name. Miranda named it, and it stuck. Did the Commander have any pets on Mindoir? ‘Cuz I can think of better names than  _that_ ,” James muttered.

Cortez snorted in laughter and said, “Yeah. You and your nicknames.  _Chirriador_?  Come on.”

“I don’t think Shepard minds. He’s  _Loco_  and that fits him.”

“ _Loco?”_ Tali asked. “What does that mean?”

“Crazy,”Cortez translated.

“Nuts,” added James. At Tali’s sound of disapproval, he said, “Look, half the shit your boyfriend does makes  _me_  looks sane.”

“Shepard didn’t crash the Kodiak into a Cerberus shuttle, James. You know how long it took me to  _fix_  that?!”

“Everything turned out all right in the end, Esteban. You worry too much.”

There was another shout from belowdecks. “There you are! All right, little guy, you’re safe and sound, and I’ll make sure you get plenty of food and–HEY!” 

A minute later, a tiny furry torpedo streaked up the stairs and scrambled over James’s legs. The marine cursed and lost his balance. He collided with Cortez, who grabbed the railing to prevent a tumble down the stairs. 

The sound of outraged squeaking was barely heard over a barrage of colorful curses in French. Tali’s eyes widened in shock, as James burst out laughing. Cortez looked impressed.

“Damn…you learn something new every day,” he deadpanned.

Tali glanced down at the stairs as a small, dark shadow skittered up in her direction. She crouched down on her hands and knees. “Don’t worry, Squeakeroo, no harm will come to you. I promise.”

The hamster’s nose twitched at the gloved palm extended in his direction. After several indecisive minutes, the hamster slowly climbed into Tali’s hand. She smiled and petted him. Poor Squeakeroo’s fur was dusty, thanks to six months roaming through Normandy’s vents.

“Let’s have the doctor look at you, shall we?” She heard heavy boots on the stairs and looked up at a disheveled Commander Shepard. “I have him, Shepard...um, are you all right?”

Shepard winced. “Some scratches, bruises, a couple of bites. I had him for a second, then he chomped on my hand–”

“Yeah, I think the entire ship heard you,” James commented.

Shepard raised his eyebrows at him. “I’m sure you were quite entertained, Lieutenant Vega. And why were you and Lieutenant Cortez on the stairs?”

“Just making sure there wasn’t any serious trouble, sir.”

“Uh huh.” He ran a hand through his short red hair. “He seems to like you, Tali.”

“He knows I won’t hurt him.” She smiled down at a tired hamster. Squeakeroo squeaked and curled up into a ball. “I believe you both need to get examined by the doctor.”

Shepard nodded and glanced at an equally tired-looking Adams. “You too, Adams.The rest of you, back to work.”

James and Steve saluted and replied, “Aye, sir.”

As they walked away, Tali clearly heard Cortez ask, “So…ten credits that Joker’ll bootleg the video…?"

She chuckled to herself and thought,  _I should ask Joker for a copy of that…_

**Author's Note:**

> Chirriador is Spanish for ‘Squeaky”.
> 
> Remy Shepard has Cajun roots, despite being born on Mindoir (both parents are from Louisiana). So he knows how to colorfully curse in French.


End file.
